I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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