my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
