So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
pop tarts are not kleenex
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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