she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
