yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
