thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
