I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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