Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
