Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
