I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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