i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's blow job season.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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