I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
