it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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