remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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