Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
