If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
