Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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