wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize