we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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