just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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