i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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