Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
