He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize