Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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