I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
