My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
