Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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