please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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