i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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