puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
