For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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