This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How external is "for external use only"?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
