you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
