she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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