so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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