Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize