you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
