i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize