well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
