i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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