How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
