please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
