my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
