Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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