Where is the hickey?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize