This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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