Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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