she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
