omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
