I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
