I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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