I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
