I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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