in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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