Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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