apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize