I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
