I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
