Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
