Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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