If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
