I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am available for nakedness
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
