Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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