Your dad touched me again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
