i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
