Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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