Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
