Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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