Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize