I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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