i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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