Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
