Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
