Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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