i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
