Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
