so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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