You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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