my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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