Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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