I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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