You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
