If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
