there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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