just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
