Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
