I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
