We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
