I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
