i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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