Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
