two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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