her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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