cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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