I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
