This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
