Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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