it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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