Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
