omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
