sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
