At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
