I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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