Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize