guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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