barbara walters just said penis...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
