and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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