I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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