Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
