Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
