her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
